i was wondering about the following: someone who has historically not been good with their finances, been in debt etc is trying to be more on top of things. and asked me the following - they chose to live in an expensive area which costs them a lot more per month (renting) after trying to live in a different area where they were just not happy. they had a bigger house and outdoor space, but they were not happy. so they decided to move to a smaller place for much more money in an area they are happier in. she was asking me at which point does your happiness come before whether you can afford it? she said they are barely making it to the end of the month and cant afford anything extra, have no savings etc but its the right decision because they are happier. i was really not sure what to say - be unhappy and stick to your means?

Create a vessel and allow Him to fill it?

My maybe controversial opinion: if they're happy, it sounds like they don't need to afford anything extra. Said another way: they're already affording the extra by paying a lot for their happiness. Why do they need more? It's like saying I'm using my money after basic expenses to go on expensive vacations and buy jewelry, and now I don't have anything extra. No savings can be an issue, depending on how "savings" is defined.

they dont have a plan for any of this and constantly worried about money. they cant afford vacations. i think their kids suffer as well by being told all the time that they cant afford any extra activities, classes etc etc. but i felt she was saying we have no money anyway, so be a bit poorer than we are and at least live somewhere where we are happy?

Oy :( but then the question "does your happiness come before whether you can afford it" doesn't even apply because it sounds like she's not happy, and money issues are at the root of this!

This is not only a good question, but one that hits at the core of the mission of frum.finance In a sentence, my answer to this question is clear and consistent. frum.finance’s tenant #3 https://frum.finance/about-us/ > It’s a family’s duty to factor in future obligations like retirement, chasunos, and tuition when planning their finances today and not knowingly put that burden on their community or children. I have a lot more thoughts on this obviously (starting an organization around it and all). I agree with this point in part from @steep-dog-55906 > if they’re happy, it sounds like they don’t need to afford anything extra The message behind this is true but I would caveat that it’s only true when you are also planning for your future obligations and not expecting it to just “work out” usually the burden falls elsewhere. If you are planning for your future but can’t to a lot of extras today but are honestly happy then that is all you need to be financially sound.

thanks this makes so much sense!!

I would say it matters if they are renting or bought. Over time a purchased home becomes a smaller part of the budget due to it being a fixed expense. But if they're renting they may never get away from that stress.

@mysterious-tomato-10057 can you talk about "pledging maaser you don't have"? What did you mean by that?

Absolutely! It's a topic near and dear to my heart bc I believe it's been a big factor to all my success thus far. There is an idea that tzedaka is the one mitzvah you can challenge Hashem with. Giving tzedaka and doing chesed so that hashem makes it possible for you to do it. For me, practically, it has always been that whenever I am at a big financial crossroads, like let's say interviewing for a new job, I pledge tzedaka that I don't have and can't easily make it work so that hashem is in a way pushed to give me the brachos to be successful and in that example, get accepted to the new job.

Wow! Thank you @mysterious-tomato-10057! Food for thought. I need to digest this. By pledge, do you mean saying it out loud? Or telling a tzedaka organization? Something else?

Personally, I tell a tzedaka organization that I'm making a commitment.

Broken link?

apartently draft posts aren’t public, try now

Yup, works now

I added a section about tzedaka, please provide overall feedback thank you

really nicely written 💯

@mysterious-tomato-10057 I'm definitely in over my head discussing halacha here, but I just wanted to put out there that according to The Halachos of Tzedaka and Maaser (The Pocket Halacha Series) by Rabbi A Wiesenfeld, he mentions that "testing applies only to money of maaser, not to money of tzedakah in general". He does provides some sources. (I'll bow out now)

That's a good point. I'll adjust the wording. I've only ever seen this point in regards to maiser 👍