Going to the grocery became an anxiety

💯! This is why for families that don't have smart phones that can check YNAB in the store I recommend using envelopes with cash for the different categories of money.

My wife and I tried this for a little while, but the main problem is that we both need the ability to spend. Sometimes I need to run into the grocery store, even though she usually does the main shopping. Other times she needs me to do it when I am already out or she is not home. Even when she does the main shopping, she will still ask me to stop in while I am out to pick up a few things. With cash, this becomes an issue because we have to split it between the two of us without knowing ahead of time who will need how much. Often one of us ends up in a store without enough cash, even though there is technically enough in the shared envelope. We used to tell ourselves that we'll use a card in those cases, and later deposit that amount of cash back in the bank, but after a couple of times we'd stop following through. One suggestion we were given was to carry fake money, like Monopoly money. If one of us was short on cash because the rest was with the other spouse, but we knew there was enough overall, we would pay with a card and set aside the equivalent amount in fake money. When we got home, we would remove that fake money and move the same amount of real cash back to the bank or into the next week or month’s envelope. For example, if we'd usually take out $1,000 for the week and spend $200 on a card, we would only take out $800 next time, plus the $200 we moved. The problem is that we kept forgetting to do it after a couple of days. It is too complicated and too easy to lose track of, and eventually it falls apart. If there is a different suggestion for this issue, I would be very happy to hear it.

Here’s a simple way for couples to manage shared spending when they want flexible access to money, but don’t want things to get confusing: 1. Each person keeps their own bank accounts and budgets for personal spending. 2. Both people agree on a set amount of money to put into a shared account every payday. This can be the same amount from each person, or it can be based on how much each person earns. 3. The shared account is used only for things you both pay for together, like rent, groceries, or bills. 4. You both work together to decide how to spend the money in the shared account. You can also save together for big goals, like vacations or emergencies. 5. You track your personal spending separately, and only use the shared account for joint expenses. This way, you don’t have to split cash or use pretend money. Everything is clear and easy to see. You each have control over your own money, but you’re still working as a team for shared things. Action steps: • Open a joint bank account just for shared expenses. • Decide together how much each person will put in (equal or based on income). • Move that amount into the shared account every payday. • Use the shared account only for joint bills and savings goals. • Talk regularly about your budget and make decisions together. This method helps you stay organized, keeps things fair, and makes it easy to track where your money goes.

ChatGPT is right about this point:

You are trying to run a shared cash system that depends on perfect coordination, memory, and follow-through between two people who move independently throughout the day. That will never work long term. Any system that requires you to remember to reconcile later is already broken.

Why can't you just have a text with all the different budgets and the balances of each? After each transaction, copy and paste the text and edit the spent category to reflect the updated balance, and text it to your spouse. (I use such a method to keep track of our basement inventory of bulk house supplies.)

Thanks, that's a good suggestion. The issue is we both have dumbphones, so doing that would be either very difficult or impossible 😅

So do we, but we have SMS. As long as your phones have texting, the ability to copy paste and edit, and preferably a calculator feature, I don't see what would be too difficult about this system.