Hey Tribe, somebody in the community needs your tips and advice to help cope with feelings of loneliness and isolation. Everything below this line has been mentioned by the anonymous poster. Please respond with compassion and wisdom 🙏 --- I feel very lonely these days and can't figure out a way to deal with this. Feels like my life lacks context. I was done with my college around 4 years back, freelanced for about 2 years and then got a job, working from home for about 2 years now. The problem I am facing is that I don't have anyone IRL to talk to. I don't have friends IRL around me. I've never had close friends whom I would text everyday, but when you're in college or office, you are always surrounded by people with whom you socialize. It gives context to your life that you belong to this specific part of society. I'm not in touch with anyone from college and school and since I've been WFH for the last 4 years, I've lost this context. At times, I don't understand which part of society I belong to. I've no one to talk to IRL. I wake up, work, go for a walk in the evening and done for the day. There's little to no human interaction IRL. I'm an introvert and still this has been bothering me a lot lately as my social life took a serious hit in the last 4 years. My anxiety is at peak because of this. I don't have anyone IRL whom I can call/text when I feel like talking. I understand the most obvious solution to this is to join hobby clubs and hangout with like minded people, but I live in a very small town and we don't have all this here. I don't even have too many people from my school/college living here. I'm thinking about moving to the city where my employer is based, but again I would have to go to WFH anyway because no one comes to the office. I don't even know anyone in the city so it would again feel lonely. I'm stuck in this catch 22 situation and feel like there's no way out of this.

Being alone can be very difficult to deal with till you reach the point where you don't need people to be happy. Having said that, it's important to go through the journey of trying and succeeding at a social life before you reach there. If your employer is in blore, come without a second thought. There are workspaces where you can go and work with other people around. And as you already know, clubs etc you can join. If you want to stay in your town for other reasons, try picking a sport. PS: You belong with us 🤗

You can make morning walk buddies , that would be good for physical and mental health as well , it does not require any club or other thing as well 😉 , if you can mention the city who knows you may find a buddy from this group , you can join swimming as well, it refreshes the mind . Waise thanks for posting it 🙂 , coz many people would be going from the same situation .

I can totally understand what you are going through. I am an introvert myself, and I have gone through all these phases. Currently, I am happy with myself and don't require company to keep myself happy. However, this does not mean that I don't have people that I can rely on (this is different from having 1000s of friends who are with you until they need something). But before coming to this stage, what did I do? Being from a developing (small) city, I had no work opportunities. I took this as an "opportunity" to get out and explore things. That is when I came to Pune. Got myself enrolled in a technical course, and started my job hunt. Now, as you said, moving to a new city might again make you feel lonely, but you can overcome that by participating in local meetup events and there are tons of such events happening all over the month. Another thing, as Adarsh mentioned is to have "walk buddies", I am unsure about your location but there is an app called 'sRide'. It provides you with an option to connect with like minded people. And last, you might have a few friends. I know you havent been in touch with them, but all it takes is one call to get back in touch 🙂

P.S You can also explore Lunchhub

You can either move to a city and work from a coworking space where you’ll get a chance to interact with people or else you can travel and do workations and while doing so you can chose to stay at travel hostels where you’ll get to interact with a lot of folks. These days a lot of options have come up for the same. Don't worry, we're all here for you. If you want to connect you can reach out to me personally as well.😇

Join online social groups, mailing-lists, forums, Slack groups on topics of interest to you. Could be your favourite sports/games, hobbies, tech-stack, work. If even that feels too intimidating, create an online persona (instead of your real name and pic ) and use that. 🙂 Over time you will develop acquaintances and friends online, eventually some of which can also become real-life too.

People have already suggested things you can do, few things you should DEFINITELY NOT- 1. Don't resort to alcohol. 2. Don't do drugs. This will only make things worse. Two simple things I'd suggest, check out Kahamind and book an online session with a therapist and try to share what you are going through, I am hopeful you'll find it useful. Also, if you can, buy some weights and hire a trainer online and start working at home if you don't have a gym nearby.

I second moving to a bigger city, staying with roommates, explore hobby groups, dating scene etc. Just keep meeting people and with some of those it might click. On a different note, the more interesting you are, the more people will gravitate towards you. So while you put yourself in situations where you interact with people, it always helps to work on yourself, explore hobbies, interests etc. And to get you started where you are today. You have tonnes of online communities. Reddit has many active, welcoming, participative subreddits where you can totally start and be anonymous. For me r/nba was a refuge during some lonely phases. Just note that you get noticed as you start helping others in that community and put out good, interesting, honest content (questions, answers, comments). But it all starts with you deciding to change right now. Keep experimenting with things till something works. Failed experiments and honest evaluation of it is a good teacher of self.

Try a workation for few weeks.

If you are interested, you should check out travellers hostels. You can meet folks there and it's fun. I would reccomend you checking out Draper Startup House in Bangalore.

Hi anon, try talking to a therapist. They are not just for treating severe cases. They can help you - • Understand yourself better, which can improve your relationships • Get things out in the open, that you're not able to talk to anyone else about • Support as you try to implement these excellent suggestions provided by this community • Get over emotional and psychological barriers as you try to change your lifestyle for the better Another thing I wanted to mention. While it's good to build a network, hobby groups, online communities, they cannot replace deep relationships. Some of the suggestions here focus on the former. In addition, you will have to put in the effort to nurture your relationships, both new and old. Make plans to travel with your college-mates/colleagues/cousins. Invite your hobby group over to your place. A lot of people are in a similar situation and will appreciate you taking the initiative. If you need to talk about this, feel free to PM me.

I would first suggest you to speak to a counsellor. Moving to a city is a great option but if you really are an introvert then it will only make the situation worse. The generalised Indian way of thinking, which revolves heavily around societal bonding does not help the introverted way of life. This is a personality trait and you should first try knowing yourself. Being happy is very important and we can be happy in our own ways. I used to be extrovert, then gradually became introverted and now I am mostly the happiest solo person. A lot of my life choices were influence by my life in Germany which I mentioned in other threads. You might fit really well in a city life too, with friends IRL and spending time with them. These are options available to you. You should know you got this, it is just figuring out where your happiness lies.

What I have found most helpful during my last 4 years of remote work is having a regular in person (whenever possible) workout session. Get a trainer and join the local gym. You immediately get to hang out with people who are interested in the same thing for at least an hour and few of those gradually turn into good acquaintances. But the most important thing I have figured out is this: When you are stuck mentally a good intense run/workout can do wonders for your mood and chain of thought.

@dry-monkey-93718, @delightful-florist-55380, @quick-judge-84214, @fresh-rain-65509, @chilly-rocket-77832, @full-summer-29717, @loud-artist-61521, @clever-salesclerk-88021, @gorgeous-raincoat-17711 , @tall-advantage-5586, @wide-carpet-65149 , @gorgeous-spring-56155 Thanks a lot guys for the response. I am the anonymous poster. I never had any issues with being alone earlier, but its been close to 4 years now and I really feel like talking to people IRL. I do enjoy my own company but I can't live this lifestyle anymore where am WFH, going for walk and then sleep without any real-life human interaction. I really need people around me now. Yes, fortunately am planning to move to BLR but the thought of moving to a new city with no context scares me. I say no context because usually when someone migrates to a city, they look for a place closer to their office, go there on a regular basis, meet their colleagues everyday. My employer is based in BLR but no one shows up. Its closed since 2020. I don't know even a single soul there in BLR, that's why am not sure if this is the right decision because I may endup being even more lonely there if things don't work out. Do you guys have any recommendations about where to live? I am planning to live at a coliving space and found some places online that do have a coworking space sort of thing inside with desks and stuff where people can work. One of the biggest problem for me now is that for some reason am avoiding meeting new people IRL these days. Idk why, maybe this is because I haven't met new people in such a long time. And yeah, am seeking professional help for my anxiety. My psych explained how this is one of the primary reasons for my anxiety lately and also suggested that I move to BLR since I've been delaying moving for a while now because of this "no context" reason.

Don't worry/think too much @nutritious-fall-18055. Just take the next step and see where it takes you 🙂 And, I believe from our RI community you will definitely find some new (if not familiar faces) in one of the meetups organized by the community members 🙌

Hey @nutritious-fall-18055 there are many co living spaces with very lively communities in them. One of the best ones I know is https://thesettl.com/2-bhks-for-rent-in-bangalore/sarjapur-road/bosa/ There will be many people who are in the same boat as you there. Don't think too much before reaching out. Also you can always move to another place if BLR is not your Jam. Hint: digital nomading in Himachal etc could be a great next option

I was in a similar situation, moved out of home to Bangalore even though I had work from home. Just moving to a place with more freedom and opportunities helps a lot (P.s. I’m a fellow introvert here, who has major social anxiety, but when I do gather the energy to leave home and meet people, being in a city has definitely helped) 🙂 P.P.S: DM’s always open if you want to someone to talk to 😬

anyone here seeked therapy? I had few questions: • how much time does it take to effect • in-person vs online • what about when you can’t open up

@chilly-lock-4986 I am the anon poster and yeah am seeking. • I can't comment on this since I recently started it myself. Its been about a month now, am going every week. • Online • I also thought about this, but they are professionals and understand very well about how to talk and be empathetic. Also, its not like that you will open up about everything in the first session itself. It takes time to be comfortable with them. Every session you may come up with different issues that you face and they try to understand your thought patterns.

I have been in therapy but that was when I was in Germany. Therapy depends a lot on the therapist/counsellor. • The time is dependant on your state and self-consciousness about mental state (yeah its loopy thing) • I think online can work fine but I have not tried it • It takes time, remember that a therapist is only there as your mirror - what you confide or share is for you Therapists have different styles and you will suit one or the other so please keep that in mind. I started with 2 and selected one after a couple sessions.

Thanks that clears it. i got Psychiatry help last year and it didnt really work out for me for multiple reasons, might try therapy as well now.

Hi @nutritious-fall-18055 a few days ago, I moved to Bangalore just for a month to try out how it feels to live in a big city. My experience so far is good, if you want to talk and planning about moving to Bangalore but not able to make decision then message me I will share my contact detail and let's have call 🙂

I agree with all the suggestions and they can help with the situation, but I feel the other aspect of it is one has to be content being alone. It mostly starts from boredness, that turns into anxiety of not being able to go out for long/do anything. Definitely move to a new city, make moves without plans, but also be familiar with yourself and learn to be content alone. When you’re not content from inside it reflects in your personality, and then even if you go out, attend lunches, work from coworking spaces with other people, it won’t satisfy you and might feel like a made up thing. Having said that, I hope it gets better for you, keep us posted 🙂

@able-fireman-91109 this is something I learned the hard way. Earlier in my life I faced similar situation. I was not even aware that I was an introvert. I used to be filled with FOMO so I pretended to be extrovert all the time. Gradually I started being more aware of the mental cost and that I was not an extrovert (my mom is though, so there was some unlearning needed). If someone is really an introvert, just dropping into social things does not help, it hurts.

I am in a sort of similar situation. I have outgrown all of my earlier friends, so I don't feel any bond with them anymore, they poke me for focusing too much on my career. After covid, I took this as an excuse to cut off ties with all of them and my toxic family members too. And I don't miss them after these 2 years, I feel dread seeing messages from them now. But I have to find a way to connect with like-minded people, I can't stay alone for my whole life!

Hey man I’d say move to some travel hostel in a place that excites you Goa, Ladakh or anything You can do these trips on a low budget as well but the kind of exposure and people you meet might give you what you're looking for Once you feel more confident then yoy can move to Bangalore Hope this helps😇😇