@chilly-rocket-77832 So here goes my first post on relationships. 'We' means couple. To be very blunt and upfront, here are my raw thoughts on marriage proposal which I am gonna use on matrimonial sites. - Both families should be open minded enough to give us a relationship building time of atleast 6 months in order to know about each other. Commitment should not be forced and would refrain from any harrasment if either of us deny marriage. - We agree to use very less virtual form of communication like call, sms, whatsapp etc, and do more face to face conversation. Because we value body language and non-verbal cues more than anything else. - The decision for bringing a child into this world after marriage should be left to us. We seek no interference from anyone else. No harrasment if we deny children. - We agree to live a sustainable lifestyle and would refrain from fast fashion and lavish spending on materialistic things just for pleasure. - We agree to get rid of any kind of smartphone and social media addiction if any. - We only believe in scientific process and we don't believe in any form of pseudoscience, caste, creed, superstition and astrology (Janam Kundli matching) - We believe in selfless love rather attachment and would give each other equal opportunity to grow personally and professionally. - After marriage, we will not be living with parents. And would like to settle in a peaceful and less polluted city. With an exception that we would move together if either one of us got a very good work opportunity elsewhere, and its pros weigh more than cons. - We don't accept any kind of dowry.

Interesting write-up & perspective. While no one can 100% predict whether a matrimonial site will work or not, the points you've mentioned for an ideal partner/marriage are very 'liberal' and 'progressive' for most Indian households. Sure, there might be women/families with these values but I'd imagine it's searching for a needle in a haystack, especially on a marriage site. Also, it really depends on age as well. I can't imagine many parents being okay with a no commitment guaranteed 6-month dating period the older their children are. But at the end of the day, anything really is possible 😃

Thanks for your views Yes, that's why I have started searching as soon as I got a good paying job. The earlier the better.

The trick is to not let parents know about the "dating" period. This is ofcourse assuming both the adults are actually operating their matrimonial profiles (and not their parents). (I don't speak from personal experience but from a cousin and a friend who went down this route).

Do keep us posted how it goes. For my elder brother also marriage prospects via matrimonial websites is being considered in early stages so I am also interested in knowing how your experience goes

Yeah, I agree. The chances are grim for parent managed profiles. Self managed ones are the only hope.

About the points you have mentioned they are very progressive but as mentioned above i also think it would be needle in haystack kind of search

In my experience, one of the toughest things is to change the mindset of people who are closest and older to us.

All these thoughts are influenced by own parents life.

Try Bumble 😄 My friend found someone there and they got married recently

@freezing-airline-98967 have you dated before? just curious…

Yes

nice gl in your search

Yes, but keep looking and dating even through dating apps. However we have to confident in what we are looking for, and stick to our ideas.

Agree with @loud-glass-33663. Keep the parents out of this and manage the screening and meeting yourself for the path of least resistance, I'd say. 😄 It might also help joining activities, groups (e.g. through meetup.com) in your areas of interest (non work-related), to increase the chances of meeting more like-minded people.

here are my raw thoughts on marriage proposal which I am gonna use on matrimonial sites.

Ummm, better NOT to front-load these thoughts on the first date. While I understand your desire to be upfront and honest..... You're just gonna overwhelm and scare away the other person.

@magnificent-solstice-42554 Thank you for the critique. What are other options then? It would be difficult to speak to each one of the connection after matching. It would be waste of time for both of us. PS. It's not on dating but matrimonial site.

Many of these can be framed as generic ice-breaker questions / statements when you first meet. • "Hey, what do you think about astrology?" • "Man, I hate this pollution here. Sometimes I feel like migrating to a less polluted city....." But honestly, a lot of your "rules" come across as overbearing & controlling. Like really, WTF is this? All this reads like a contract between two companies, no? 😀

We agree to use very less virtual form of communication like call, sms, whatsapp etc, and do more face to face conversation.

We agree to get rid of any kind of smartphone and social media addiction if any.

We agree to live a sustainable lifestyle and would refrain from fast fashion and lavish spending on materialistic things just for pleasure.

😆 Yeah

Bro, this is a sure shot way to make a relationship NOT work.

@quick-city-67082 yeah it is a needle in the haystack. But this is what I really believe in. How can I lie?

Just an FYI, my friend is looking for a match via these matrimonial sites. Most of the profiles are maintained by parents, especially for girls. Few of them don’t even know that their parents have created a profile for them there.

Typical arranged marriages in India seems more of a contract between families where the couple are not allowed to meet outside and only chat/call maybe. Especially in south india, people are very conservative. And always associated with the pressure to produce kids, which sucks. I see many problems in my parents marriage, which I want to correct in mine. But the situation is sadly the same from my parents era. Indian culture is very repressive.

Honestly, if you put that manifesto in your profile, even girls that might agree with most things will likely reject it. Gotta leave a few things to the 6 months of dating :-) Ohh, and you'll have a much better luck abroad - all boxes checked unconditionally.

I got it, thanks!

I had a similar set of preferences. I tried the matrimonial thing, didn't have a great experience. It is true that girls going through arranged marriage are often under more pressure from their family, so she will have a much harder time convincing her parents to let you talk for 6 months, even if she agrees with your views. I would second the suggestions of putting more emphasis on finding people through common interests and looking at dating apps, and to keep things secret (from parents) while you're still in dating phase. I will, however, echo a positive sentiment that such people do exist in India. A close friend of mine, who is a science communicator, deliberately did everything forbidden by superstitious beliefs, e.g. he picked the worst possible "muhrat", he wore all black clothes, etc.

@early-beard-47173 I agree. thanks!

So, my parents have a matrimonial account for me and here's an experience when it goes via parents. They'd expect you to give them updates everyday because saying they're answerable to the whole family/the other person's family. It's most likely that they wouldn't give you more than a month's time to get to know the other person unless both families parents are chill about it. I like your idea of dating prior but don't restrict it to six months. Take as long as you want to be sure about taking a crucial step like marriage and give the person as long as they want as well. Most points are well articulated but I feel like having kids/ where you'd wanna live comes so much later in the relationship after deciding if you'd want to be with person at all. Just let the person know that anything if in a relationship would have to be a collective conclusion reached by both of you rather than bringing up topics that can make a person feel overwhelmed.

@average-vr-74305 Thanks for your views. I got it. I am naive.