@Tim I just wrote this (my second draft): 📝
I couldn’t believe what I was going through.
The stress of the uniform incident was getting to me so badly that my head started pounding ferociously. I had never felt fierce pain in my head and brain before.
Never would I have imagined that I would be seeing a JAG for legal advice, let alone while a mere midshipman at the Naval Academy.
I was a child for crying out loud! Not only that.
I was a rule follower. Well, I tried to be anyway. It seemed like everyone around me was breaking numerous rules, but I obeyed as much as I could even the “little” ones which seemed a challenge for others to obey during their Plebe year.
So, life seemed somewhat unfair to me at that point. It just didn’t make sense. And now I was in pain and in trouble.
Then it finally hit me. This must have been what people called a headache and I was having my first one!
That thought scared me, you know, and saddened me even more. I had been through so much already by that point in my life that my body broke and I hurt in other parts other than my heart.
I just couldn’t understand it.I worked so hard to get to this point and yet it seemed like those times didn’t even matter. How could my good conduct and reputation get tarnished by something I thought was making the wisest decision?
Even my gunny and lieutenant were on my side! It was me against the Marine Colonel and for some it looked like my case couldn’t even stand a chance.
It seemed like just the other day my company officer was patting me on the head as he passed all of us struggling and shaking in pain to hold something up in the air for training while smiling and saying, “Good job, Tomokane!” It was like I was a little kid and he didn’t want me to break and give up and was well pleased I was lasting through that punishment -- I mean evolution.
And then there were the times that some of my upperclassmen (some firsties) would call me by the nickname they gave me -- Motivator. They said I had a thunderous voice for the times I was supposed to be yelling anyway and it was mostly, “Go Navy, sir! Beat Army, sir!” as we ran about the “p ways.” Plus, they said I did it with a smile.
My smile was so infectious I was told that it made others smile, but also puzzling for those who were grumpy and depressed. While I was pulled aside many times to be praised for my attitude and sometimes in a comical way, I was also pulled aside by skeptics who wanted to know why I found anything to smile about since they were miserable being there.
I was happy to share with others what things I found grateful for and where I found my strength -- essentially some of the things that motivated me and kept me smiling. Some believed me and others might have not.
Yet here I was all alone confused. Saddened. Broken.