does anyone have any insight how you’re “supposed” to run some arbitrary code in graphcool unrelated to resolvers, subscriptions or ‘side effects’ of records. I need to implement a simple scheduler

If you want to run some code on a schedule, I believe the standard approach is to create a webhook function, as described here: https://www.graph.cool/docs/reference/functions/overview-aiw4aimie9/#managed-functions-vs-webhooks and then use a third-party service like zapier or webtasks or AWS lambda to ping that webhook according to your schedule.

ok, you confirmed my suspicion I’d need an external service