I like the first version quite a bit more than the 2nd, actually. The images carry well and there is a fable/folkloric quality to the voice and tone. I think the edited version actually overcrowds the language with too many modifiers that bog down the music and pace. "Wandering woman," "Wretched body," "ruined earth" etc. S2 is especially stronger in the pre-edit for me, as it is more direct and full of movement. The devil laying down on the earth comes across stronger and cleaner than a woman watching the devil lay his body on the earth. I actually like the "today" refrain, but wonder if you could limit it to every other stanza, or maybe throw in a subversion where one of the stanzas opens with "tonight" or "tomorrow" to give us a temporal shift. I like the instincts in the first draft a lot, the revision feels almost a little too self-conscious.