Some notes on the individual poems and then overall thoughts. ## “Packing” Summary: The speaker, having packed everything on their list but wondering if they’ve packed everything they need, unpacks, makes a new list, and repacks, thereby renewing their predicament. What’s working: - It’s a relatable problem. - The repeated first line suits the circularity of that problem. - The circularity is amusing. What makes this draft a harder sell: - The imagery is abstract. - It’s a dramatic monologue, and the stakes are low. Did the speaker forget a toothbrush? They can just buy one. - The register is casual; the diction, aside from “right-before-you-walk-out-the-door,” is uncomplicated. - The compression could be better. Consider, for example, the line “Am I sure.” By thinking carefully about whether they have everything, the speaker is already showing that they are not sure. Another example: What is “very last-minute” adding to “right-before-you-walk-out-the-door”? Some possible directions for revision: - Tune the rhythms to the speaker’s anxiety spiral. Short, simple sentences are calm. A modifier like “right-before-you-walk-out-the-door” is not. Anxiety can also be conveyed with repetition. - Rewrite this piece into an epigram. I suspect it would need meter and rhyme. - Get specific about the packing list. This would be a large departure but would give you opportunities to use metaphor or an objective correlative. ## “The Blink” Summary: The subject, a writer, is tormented by her blinking cursor. What’s working: - The “blink” refrain is amusing. What makes this draft a harder sell: - Writing about writing is extremely played out, and that goes triple for writing about writer’s block. Some possible directions for revision: - Honestly, just bin it. ## “The Watchers” Summary: The cats are watching the speaker. What’s working: - The “watching” refrain feels like feline omnipresence. What makes this draft a harder sell: - The subject matter is commonplace. - There’s no metaphorical chemical reaction. “Packing” at least had unpacking and repacking. - Low stakes again. - Low register and diction again. Some possible directions for revision: - Maybe it would work better as a ghazal? - Regardless, I think this piece needs another angle. What does the cats always watching mean to the speaker? ## Overall Thoughts It’s hard to generalize about what magazines that publish poetry do and don’t want. That said, most of what I read above a certain level tends to have specific, unusual imagery, and often metaphor; a surprising turn; and a sustained interest in exploring language as a medium. (I wish that list included sonic interest. Alas.) I think many magazines also demand that their poems be basically earnest in a way these aren’t.